i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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