Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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