You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
