I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
