we're chasing vodka with high fives
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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