Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
