My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
