there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize