I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize