I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
