i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
