Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
