Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
