The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
