Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
