I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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