I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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