When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
