he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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