It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
