She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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