my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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