dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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