I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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