I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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