It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
