Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
