He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize