I just gift wrapped bread.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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