Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
