dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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