we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
