god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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