how can u be prego again
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
