Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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