i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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