you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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