Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
