you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
