I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize