my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
