when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
