new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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