I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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