it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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