Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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