hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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