i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
