Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
