how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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