Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize