what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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