he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
