I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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