Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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