somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
