I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
