you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
