so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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