So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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