Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
