All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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