the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
