i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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