This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
