so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
