New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
