Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
