was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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