Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
