remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so much tequila, so little girl.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
