They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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