The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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