we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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