I must be too annoying 4 u.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
