i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
