would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my being single is dangerous.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
